Keep Your Eyes On Me
by B. A. Storm
Summary: Darkiplier X Reader oneshot fluff. When Darkiplier shows up at your house after being MIA for several days it’s obvious that something is very wrong but you’re determined to help him. Rates M for language and anxiety trigger warnings


***TRIGGER WARNING* This story does involve anxiety and self-harm. If you are triggered by these, please don't read this because you are a precious little cinnamon roll and I don't want to hurt you. That being said this is my first fanfic so I'd really appreciate some feedback! Okay, enjoy!**

An incessant pounding on your door eventually pulled you from your warm cocoon of sleep. You glanced at your phone, four in the goddamn morning. Someone was going to die. You rose with a groan, slipping on sweats and a putting on a sports bra under your tank top. You stumbled out of your room, your body knowing the way in the dark, but your mind wasn't quite there yet. You cracked open the door, wedging your foot behind it. Through the crack you could see Dark standing in the dim hallway of your apartment building. Your eyes were squinted against the light, but you could still see that something was very wrong. Dark's hair was disheveled, like he'd run his fingers through it repeatedly. His nice suit was crumpled and stained, and also soaked like he'd been running in the rain. The shadows under his eyes were even deeper than normal and his dark aura seemed to glow and pulse, glitching every now and then.

"Dark? Where the hell have you been? Mark's been freaking out, nobody's seen you in days" he swayed a little bit where he stood, and you opened the door wider in case you had to catch him. "Jesus dude, what's wrong? You look like hell" he braced one hand against the doorframe for balance, eyes wide and darting.

"I-I had to get out. Get out. Get out. Suff-ff-ffocating me. Ran." His knees started to buckle slowly so you rushed to grab him. He was soaked through and now you could feel him shivering fiercely.

"Oh my god Dark, you're freezing. Were you out in the rain?" he leaned heavily against you, looking down at himself in confusion.

"Don't know" he mumbled. You half-dragged the much larger man inside and sat him down on the couch.

"What do you mean you don't know? Do you not remember getting wet" when he looked up at you again his dark eyes were large and something very close to panic lurked in them

"Lost… lost in my head… couldn't get out. Scared… dying. I couldn't-" he paused, like he was fighting for air. "I couldn't breathe" your movements slowed from where you were reaching for a throw blanket. You let your hands drop. You moved to kneel in front of Dark, looking up at him.

"Did you have an anxiety attack?" he just looked at you helplessly. "Are you all right now? Do you still feel like you can't breathe?" he nodded, looking away in shame. A soft shudder ran through his body. You shifted on the ground, uncomfortable with seeing such a strong man brought so low, but you'd be damned before you let him suffer like this without trying to help.

"May I touch you?" you asked quietly, trying to be calming. There was a long moment where he just stared at you warily. You let out the breath you didn't realize you'd been holding when he slowly nodded. You took both of his icy hands in your own. His shaking increased so you squeezed his hands.

"Dark look at me," he met your eyes again. "You can breathe. Your lungs work. Your heart is still beating. You are still alive and you are not dying okay?" you kept your voice calm and even. He didn't move but his eyes didn't leave yours. "You're safe. Nothing is going to hurt you. Can you try to take a deep breath?" his eyes dropped again and he took a shuddering breath. "Keep your eyes on mine. As long as you keep your eyes on me and keep breathing you'll get through this" his eyes snapped up again, but it was clear he didn't believe you. A part of you felt incredibly foolish to do this but you'd seen a lot of your friends have panic attacks and this always seemed to work with them; giving them an anchor to focus on. You took a deep breath and started again.

"Can you feel your heart beating?" he shook his head

"No" he whispered. "I can't feel anything" you dropped one of his hands and found his pulse at his neck, you picked up his hand again and placed it at his pulse. His eyes followed you the entire time. You noticed bright red scratches at his neck above his collar but decided to ignore them for now.

"See? There's your pulse, beating away." you moved his hand to press flat against his chest, "and there's your lungs, working just fine." You nodded as you spoke to emphasize your words. "You are going to be okay Dark, this feeling will pass" he blinked and looked down at your hand covering his. He took a deep experimental breath and it only broke once.

"There you go, just like that." you said. He looked at you again, then he slowly moved his hand to your neck. His fingers found your pulse, pressing gently. He took another breath, this one coming a little easier. With a swift, jerky motion he slid off the couch, pushing you back slightly.

"Dark…?" you questioned, fear bubbling up in your stomach at the demon's sudden proximity. The fear faded though when all he did was set his head against your chest, listening to your heartbeat and the inhale and exhale of your lungs. You pushed his drying hair out of his face and his eyes slid shut, drawing another shuddering breath.

"Shh, you're okay now. I've got you." you ran your fingers through his soft hair and he relaxed into you. Goosebumps rose on your skin as your arm brushed his wet suit. He had to be freezing in that. "Dark, I'm going to take your jacket off because it's soaked through. Are you okay with that?" he straightened up so you could get to the buttons. You pushed it off his shoulders and threw it to the side, leaving him in a white collared shirt and black tie. Your eyes caught sight of the red marks at his throat again. You reached up to touch them without thinking to ask permission.

"Did you do this to yourself?" you glanced up at his face, he wouldn't meet your eyes. "Why?"

"I couldn't breathe." He mumbled, cheeks coloring. You undid the small knot and slid the tie out from under the collar. For reasons you couldn't describe, the sound of the tie whisking over the fabric of his shirt made your stomach tense. You undid the first three buttons of his shirt, leaving the tie in a pile between you.

"Does that feel a little better? His eyes were bottomless as he looked at you.

"Yes." Although a part of you felt like you shouldn't move because something was happening between you, you stood, holding out your hand to him to help him up onto the couch.

"You're still freezing so I'm going to go make you something warm to eat okay?" he stood up quickly as you went to walk away. He wrapped you in his arms, crushing you to him.

"no… just, stay here… please" you frowned against his shirt. Dark was begging? Water may as well start flowing uphill. You didn't relent though, pushing out of his arms.

"No, you need food. You look like you're going to fall over." He frowned, reaching for you again. You moved out of his reach and quickly walked to the kitchen. He followed behind you. You moved around the modest kitchen, pulling out the milk, cheese, bread, butter, and a can of tomato soup. You set about making tomato soup and a grilled cheese, then pulled out another can because you might as well eat. Arms slid around your shoulders as you stood before the stove. You turned your head to see Dark setting his head down on your shoulder, letting out a heavy sigh.

"What's gotten you so worked up Dark? I've never seen you like this" he just shook his head. You bit your lip as you fiddled with the soup, wondering if you should really say what's on your mind.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but it might help to let it out. Bottling things up all the time isn't healthy, even if you are an all-powerful demon." He hesitated, shifting his weight back and forth between his feet.

"I-I don't know if I can right now." You nodded, a little frustrated but it couldn't be helped

"Food first then. Hot food always helps." You slid the hot sandwiches onto a plate and ladled the soup into separate bowls. "Dark, Dark I need you to let me go. I can't carry all three of these on my own" Dark's arm slid from your shoulders like he was hesitant to let go of you. He took a bowl and you walked over to the island. You pushed Dark to sit down on one of the barstools before returning to the kitchen to get each of you a glass of water.

The two of you ate in companionable silence, although your movements stilled when Dark's cold hand slipped onto your knee. You cut a glance over at him from the corner of your eye, but he refused to acknowledge his actions. You smirked, slipping your hand under the counter to take his. You thought you saw his eyes soften just a little, but you weren't sure. The both of you continued to eat in silence, hands gently clasped under the counter.

Dark helped you take the dishes to the sink where you would do them later, you wiped the counter down and turned to him.

"Do you feel a little better now?" he nodded, smoothing his hair back in an attempt to fix it.

"Yes thank you." you smiled softly,

"You're welcome," looking him over you pursed your lips thoughtfully. "You still look cold though, maybe I have some old clothes that would fit you so you can get out of your wet ones." You led him back to your room and dug through the bottom drawer of your dresser.

"I don't think anything you own will fit me, y/n" you looked up at him with a teasing smile. He looked at your petite form dubiously before gesturing down his own body with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you calling me short?" you accused with a smile

"No, I'm calling you tiny. I could lift you with one hand." You shrugged and tossed a pair of black lounge pants at him and a dark gray tee shirt.

"I think you're overexaggerating Dark. I'm not that small, and you're not that strong." A smirk crossed his face and you paled, standing up and running away.

"Think so?"

"No, get the fuck away from me Dark. Absolutely not." He stopped, turning his attention to the clothes in his arms. His playful smirk twisted into a frown.

"These are men's clothes." You stood awkwardly by the doorway, knowing that he remembered who last owned those clothes. Bitter memories floated between the two of you like ghosts. He looked up at you with flat black eyes. "Why did you keep his clothes?" you shrugged, looking away.

"Because they're just clothes Dark. Just because their last owner was a dick and a half doesn't mean that the clothes themselves are bad. Besides, they're soft and warm." Dark's posture was stiff, looking at the clothes in his arms like they were an affront to his very being. You sighed, leaning against the doorway. "Look I know you don't like them, but your clothes are wet so just wear them tonight and tomorrow I will get rid of anything I have left of his okay?" Dark's eyes burned into yours and you could tell there was something he wanted to say but instead he just nodded. You smiled in relief and left the room, closing the door behind you.

"If you're tired you can go back to bed." You jumped at Dark's soft voice, you didn't hear the bedroom door open. You lifted your head from where you'd rested it on the back of the couch and looked at Dark in your ex's clothes. Somehow, he made worn lounge pants and an old tee shirt look sexy. You shook your head, sitting up straight.

"No, I think we need to talk about what happened Dark." He sighed heavily and looked around.

"I'm fine now and you're tired, we can talk about it in the morning." You raised an eyebrow and pointed to the lightening sky outside the window.

"You're not fine Dark, you're still shaking." He hid his hands behind his back. "Besides, I have a feeling that if I go to bed you're going to leave." He looked away, but a small smirk gave him away. "That's what I thought." His frown deepened

"Why do you want to know anyways?" he hedged, looking guarded. You almost scoffed,

"Because I care Dark. Because you're my friend and you came to me for help so I'm going to help you." Dark held himself very still, you were pretty sure he didn't even breathe. It was like he thought that if he moved, something would break. His eyes were glued to the ground, so he didn't see your sad expression. You stood and approached him, he didn't look up at you but you knew that he was tracking your movements.

"I care about you Dark, and I don't like to see you in pain like this so please talk to me." his eyes closed slowly, and it was like watching a dam fall apart. He crumpled slowly into you, clutching you to his chest and burying his face in the side of your neck. You stumbled back a step in surprise but wrapped your arms around him and let him hold you.

"I hate this… existence…" he hissed "this feeling of being pushed aside, forgotten. I am nothing to him. A joke. A way to entertain the seething masses." he picked his head up and his fingers curled into the back of your shirt. "That's the only reason I was created. For the fans to mock me, to twist me into some foreign creature that I despise, for Mark to degrade and laugh at. I AM NOTHING BUT A SICK JOKE TO BE TOSSED ASIDE WHEN I'M NO LONGER AMUSING!" you kept quiet, unsure of what to say to comfort him. You rubbed your hand over his back, trying to calm him. He groaned and dropped his head back onto your shoulder. "Except for you, y/n. you're the only one who cares. The only one who has ever cared." He took a deep, shuddering breath and pushed his face against your neck. "I-I just… I don't want them to forget about me… I, I don't want Mark to throw me away" you shushed him softly, rubbing circles on his back.

"No one's going to forget about you Dark. The fans love you, don't you see that? Every time they write a piece of fanfiction or draw fanart that they're showing their love for you? they're not trying to change you, that's just how they see you. The fans love you just the way you are Dark. And Mark, well I know Mark can come off a little… well… as a little bit of an ass sometimes but Mark loves you too Dark. Every video he puts you in is his way of giving you a piece of the limelight. A way of showing the world how awesome you are." You hugged him tight, "We all love you Dark, the only one who doesn't love you is you." he was very quiet and very still against you.

"Sorry, that was the cheesiest thing I've ever said" you mumbled, embarrassed by his silence.

"Thank you." he picked his head up off your shoulder and buried his face in your hair instead. "You always say the nicest things, even if they aren't true." You closed your eyes, your brief hope that he would understand flooded out by the wave of disappointment.

"Dark I wasn't lying. I meant all of that." he scoffed and pulled away from you to sit on the couch. You resisted the urge to wrap your arms around your waist, feeling cold without his arms around you.

"Even if you meant it, that doesn't make it true." You frowned, frustration growing into a hard knot in your chest.

"What if we talk to Mark? Convince him to let people see you, the real you. You could actually talk to the fans, without the filters, without the jokes, just you and the camera and them." You spoke quickly, getting excited at the idea. His eyes were very sad.

"I don't want them to fear me. I'd rather live this half life of ridicule then show them the real me and frighten them all away. Mark would never forgive me." he lowered his head. You shifted your weight, drawing your lips to the side but you refused to let him kill this idea right off the bat.

"I didn't run away" you said quietly, he looked up at you through his hair. "I was just a regular fan until I actually got to meet Mark. I wasn't afraid of you Dark, so I'm sure that the fans will love you just as much as I do." You chuckled, looking off to the side shyly. "You know, when I first met Mark I couldn't believe he wanted to be my friend. I mean, I'm just me. I'm not anything special like him, or you, or Ethan, or Tyler, Jack, Felix, anybody. I'm just a little girl who watched videos on her computer." You glanced his direction but refused to actually meet his eyes. "And then Mark introduced me to you. and I was so scared." You saw his frown, but you continued with a soft smile as you recalled the memory. I was so scared that you wouldn't like me. You were always my favorite, I've watched every video that you were in over and over." You looked down at your bare feet, blood rushing to your cheeks. "My point is, that I'm just an ordinary fan so I can't possibly be the only one who feels that way." You finally brought yourself to meet his eyes, wanting to melt into a puddle at revealing all that. His eyes were very wide, and he sat like a statue. Your blush deepened and traveled down to your neck. A corner of his mouth quirked up.

"You're very cute when you blush." He murmured, leaning his weight back off his knees. A small squeak echoed around the room and after a moment you realized that it had come from you, he raised an eyebrow. You forced a smirk onto your face, glancing away to hide your embarrassment.

"Whatever you say Dark" his grin widened and the small part of you that didn't want to crawl in a hole and die was relieved to see him smile again.

"I'm your favorite huh?" you dragged a hand down your face, holding it there so he couldn't see your fangirl grin.

"Maybe." You peeked at him through your fingers to see him wearing a shit eating grin. You shook your head and turned around. "You're such an ass, you just like to watch me squirm. I'm going back to bed for a couple hours." You walked back to your room, feeling him ghost along behind you in smoke form. He materialized behind you with his arms wrapping around your chest to crush you to him.

"Oof" you wheezed, trying to breathe. His breathing was shaky again in your ear and his whole body trembled against you.

"Dark? What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" Fear flashed through you, was he having another anxiety attack?

"No, you didn't say anything wrong" there was something he wanted to say but he seemed to be struggling to find the right words.

"Then what-?"

"Shh… just shush." Understanding dawned on you. You'd hit a cord with him, what you said meant a great deal to him but he couldn't find the words to tell you. You smiled warmly as you turned around in his arms. Your arms wound around his waist and he let out a soft sigh. One of his arms moved up and his hand ran through your h/l hair slowly. You closed your eyes and leaned against him, lulled by the comforting action.

"That was very sweet of you to say, but I have some issues with it." He finally said. You scoffed, raising your eyebrows as your eyes opened.

"Pray do tell." He nuzzled his face into your hair,

"You, are anything but ordinary." Your blush rose again like a disease on your face, and you couldn't fight your giddy smile.

"Shut up" you mumbled. He kissed the top of your head and you were in the clouds; floating away like a balloon in a breeze.

"Tell you the truth, you're my favorite too." And now you were falling, your knees trembling. He chuckled in your ear with his low voice and you closed your eyes again, you couldn't help but lean a little more into his solid chest.

"Your blush is adorable." He dropped his head to your shoulder and you let out a shaky breath.

"You're such a fucking dick. You're doing this on purpose." He chuckled again, and you wanted to squirm because it made your inside heat up in a sinfully delicious way. He ghosted his lips across your shoulder and your breath hitched.

"I always thought you were afraid of me. I never realized that your reactions meant that you wanted me." he blew out a cold breath where he kissed you and you shivered. Finally, you managed to pull away from him to face him with your cheeks flaming.

"Screw you Dark, I'm not some weak-kneed damsel, stop fucking with me." his eyes flashed in amusement and you weren't sure if it was a relief that he'd seemingly regained his confidence and composure. He held out his arms in both a challenge and an invitation.

"Well then? What would you have me do?" you blinked as you realized all the implications. Dark's grin was impish as he saw all the dirty thoughts cross your face. "I'll do anything for my favorite fan" you shivered as his voice went tantalizingly low. This was crossing into perilous territory. You bit your lip, noticing how Dark's eyes caught on the movement. An idea crossed your mind and you smiled shyly as you reached for his hand. You led him back to your bed and his eyes darkened. He raised an eyebrow.

"No innocent damsel indeed" the low baritone of his voice felt like heavy smoke drifting around your shoulders to hold you close, and caressing the outer shell of your ear to make you shiver again. All you could do was let out a breathless chuckle. Boy, was he in for a surprise. You pushed him to lay down on the bed before crawling on yourself. His hand found your hip in the weak, pre-dawn light filtering in through your bedroom window.

"So, what do you want?" he repeated. You hesitated, getting shy and embarrassed again at the intensity of his gaze. His arm pulled you closer, his hand drifting from your hip to your back where he rubbed slow circles into your lower back like you'd done for him only hours before.

"Don't be shy. Tell me what you want, and I'll do it. I'll give you anything" his voice had gone soft and quiet, rumbling in his chest. Your smile found its way back into place and you found the courage to nudge him off his side to lie flat on his back. You moved up until you partially rested on his chest, you could feel his heartbeat when you set your hand down on his chest to steady yourself. He looked up at you expectantly.

"I-I want you to hold me." his eyebrows slowly raised as he processed your words, a corner of his mouth cocked up as he laughed softly in disbelief.

"You little tease" he mumbled, chuckling again. Your cheeks pinked again, smirking at your own little joke. He shifted until he was more comfortable then he pulled you down until your cheek rested on his shoulder and you were tucked snugly under his arm.

"But if that's all you want. I'll oblige." You smiled against the fabric of his shirt. You could hear him breathing softly as he settled down to sleep. Your eyes traced the gentle curves and sharp dips of his muscles as he breathed. You found his collarbone and for a reason you couldn't describe you really want to follow it with your finger. Your hand was halfway there before you realized you even moved it. You could feel Dark's attention on you so you continued your action, because fuck it at this point right? Your hand touched his skin softly, tracing the gentle lines of his collarbone. He let out a content sigh and made a soft humming noise that rumbled in your ear. Tracing the bones under his skin you listened as his breathing deepened as he slowly started to drift off to sleep.

"Hey Dark?" your voice was quiet in the intimate space between you.

"Hmm?" he hummed back sleepily.

"Can I kiss you?" you picked your head up to see his lips curving into a soft smile as he cracked his eyes open. His hand under your chin guided you up. Your eyes fell shut as your lips met. His soft lips slid over yours, and you melted into his arms. You felt his smile as he gave you the sweetest of kisses. You pulled away after a moment and you opened your eyes to see his were a little glassy, and he was almost as breathless as you. the two of you shared a smile before he leaned forward to kiss your forehead. He tugged you down again to lay in his arms.

"Okay, now go to sleep." He mumbled, already sounding sleepy again. You kissed his collarbone, nuzzling your head into his chest.

"Goodnight Dark."

"Good morning y/n"

"Shut the fuck up Dark." He laughed as you closed your eyes and fell asleep to his rumbling chuckle.


End file.
